This brief article was just sent over to me by my father who is the Chair of Anesthesiology at Stony Brook University hospital in Long Island, NY. I find it quite interesting that mindfulness and meditation practice are actually being prescribed by western trained physicians. The scientific proof must finally be cracking the skepticism of those doctors who previously thought the solutions were in cutting or medicating. I definitely believe that alternative mind training techniques have a place in a patient's treatment (especially within therapy, but also in pain treatment and hospice). I've always found it interesting that my Dad has spent his entire career studying consciousness through the lens of anesthesiology and I've now become interested in the same topic but using a different lens for my study! I really enjoyed the Learning and the Brain Conferences that are being held all over the world (www.learningandthebrain.com). They do an excellent job at connecting new findings in the fields of neuroscience and neurobiology as they pertain to learning and memory with educators who can actually apply the techniques that are being researched in the classroom. Wouldn't it also be great to have forums in which we share the research being done on meditation using fMRI scans, EKGs, etc, with the basic mindfulness practitioner. By creating such a conversation, those simply starting their practice can have the often-needed "proof" that in fact, what they are investing their time in, really CAN change their physiology (and hopefully for the better!) I know of a few such forums, but it would be great if anyone wanted to share some they that have either heard about or attended!

I hope you enjoy the brief excerpt my Dad forwarded to me below!

Leading the News
More physicians referring patients for meditation, other alternative treatments.
ABC World News (5/10, story 7, 2:50, Sawyer) reported, "There is a new report finding 40% of us now are turning to alternative treatments, especially meditation." ABC (Harris) added, "Meditation, once considered supremely flakey, is now being used by the Marines, by corporate executives from General Mills to Target to Google, by students in classrooms all over America and now, according to this new study, by roughly three million patients on the recommendation of their doctors."
        The Boston Globe "Daily Dose" blog reported, "A study published yesterday in the Archives of Internal Medicine found that some three percent of Americans, who responded to a government health survey, were practicing some sort of mind-body therapy as a result of a physician referral." That is "far less than the more than 15 percent of respondents surveyed who said they initiated these therapies on their own. But, hey, it's a start, considering how resistant doctors have been to adopting alternative remedies that veer away from mainstream medicine."

(WARNING: This is quite a long post, but hopefully well worth it!)

I had the great pleasure of studying Non-Violent Communication (NVC) with Martha Lasley and Zen Master Dae Gak over spring break at Furnace Mountain Retreat in Clay City Kentucky. First off, what a necessary break it was! On the plane ride out I was so anxious, tired, and just thoroughly wiped out from the accumulation of seven full weeks in a row of teaching that I simply passed out. I woke up as the plane descended and scribbled a few illegible sentences into a diary I would keep throughout my trip. One line read, “My body and mind feel as though they are going a mile a minute. Very glad I am getting away from everything.” What would follow over the next week would be as good an experience as I could have hoped, and the bounties of what I was able to ingest I share with you below.

First, I feel compelled to share a small taste of the NVC model. The framework for how to use this form of communication revolves around 5 unique steps. The underlying understanding beneath the steps is that if we can become aware of our own humanity during a confrontation, compassionate communication will result instead of the violent or aggressive communication that is so relatively easy to engage in.

Step 1)  Judgment – Whenever we have a preference we are creating a judgment. This apple is “good” or this person is a “bad friend” are both simple examples. Judgment creates the seeds for both attachment and aversion. When we judge something as having an inherent “bad” quality we are averted to it and are attached to something when we judge it as being inherently “good”. The key to this step is to become aware of our human tendency to judge and to train ourselves to move our mental awareness towards observation.

Step 2) Observation – When one simply observes or bears “witness” to an event, we do not create a preference regarding it. We are able to state the facts surrounding it. Rather than saying this apple is “good” we might just observe that the apple is green or is quite large and round. Our “bad friend” could be observed as not calling us back after the three times we may have reached out to him. The observation separates the fact that from the judgment that his action made him in an inherently “bad friend or person”.

Step 3) Feelings – We can all agree that we experience several feelings in each and every moment that we are alive. Most of us, however, are unaware of our own inner feelings. To take our example from above further, I may lash out and say to my “bad friend” the following; “Eric, You are such a bad friend. I can’t believe you treat me this way after all I have done for you.” In that moment, perhaps I am completely unaware that a lot of what I am staying is stemming from a deep-rooted sadness or loneliness that I am experiencing. When we start to become aware of our own feelings, we can begin to see that the root cause of our negative feelings comes from an unmet universal human need.

Step 4) Needs - For me this was the toughest step to fully digest. The premise of NVC is that our negative feelings (anxiety, anger, sadness, fear, etc.) are caused by a need of ours that is not being met. The reverse is true for positive feelings (happiness, joy, pride, etc.) such that we feel good when one of our needs are being met. I feel it is always easiest to understand NVC with an example, so let’s return to my “bad friend” story. Step 3 uncovered that when I lashed out and made a hurtful statement to my friend it really came from an inner feeling of loneliness. Step 4 explains that this feeling is actually caused by something we can identify and become aware of. What is a universal human need that someone might not be getting when he/she is lonely? A good guess may be the need for companionship, community or even friendship.  So let’s say the unmet need of companionship caused my intense feelings of loneliness that in turn caused me to lash out and judge my poor Eric was a “bad friend”. Now that I am aware of what my unmet need is, it is all about how I can communicate this to my friend Eric in a non-violent way. Before I would even open my mouth, by using these four steps, I learned to blame Eric less and take some ownership of my feelings, where they are coming from, and realize that I may be unfairly judging his actions.  

Step 5: Requests – a request is exactly what it sounds like, although a key distinction is made in the NVC model between a request and a demand. The difference is that a request one makes having the openness of heart and mind to hear “no” from the other person. A demand is a request we make of someone where there is no real option but for them to say “yes”. Requests are most effective when they are very clear, specific, and actually “doable”. To state to a friend that I would like them to be a “better friend to me” is not clear, specific, or technically doable. If we break that down, we may find a request that is doable that could help us to meet that need. So I might request of my friend Eric that “It would be great if you would call me back within 24 hours after I have called you.” I would need to be willing to hear a response such as, “Well Ryan, I sometimes get really busy and I can’t commit to that.” In that moment, I would validate my statement as a request if I could remain open to the fact that he is saying no and alter my request to something that would still satisfy my need, but also meet his needs to remain secure in his job. So I might ask, “Well would it be too much to ask for you to simply text me back within the 24 hours so I know you received my call?” This type of compromise could go on for a while and Eric may feel like I am being a really “needy” friend (hence my reservations about Step 5!). However, when the complete model of NVC is used, I tend to believe now, having only a very limited experience of working with NVC, that the “neediness” factor is diminished when one helps the other person to see how the need is coming from a need that we all have experienced at one time or another. The complete statement to Eric could be something like the following:

“Hey Eric, I’ve noticed that you haven’t called me back the past three times I called and left you voicemails (observation). I’ve actually been feeling quite lonely the past few weeks (feeling) as I really have a need to share companionship with my friends (unmet need) and I’d like to request that perhaps you could call me within 24 hours after I leave you a voicemail so that you can help me to meet that need that I have as your friend.”

Using the NVC model, it is amazing how much more receptive Eric may be than if I were to say “Eric, you are such a thoughtless friend. Can’t you have the decency to call me back when I call you?”

 

So the basic model again is – identify our judgments and separate the observations (facts) from them. Try to get in touch with our own feeling in the moment and try to uncover what natural human need is not being met within us. Then there is the opportunity to share a request that is clear and doable that we are open to hearing “no” to.

 

Before I share the ways in which I feel this method can apply to the classroom, I want to highlight that NVC is not only a way for us to communicate to others when our needs are not being met. It is also a way of listening and responding when someone is communicating judgmentally and harshly towards us. So if we reversed our lovely little example and Eric was to say to me “Ryan, you are such a thoughtless friend. I can’t believe you don’t have the decency to call me back when I call you.” I could respond empathetically to Eric by reflecting on what feelings and needs must be causing his judgment. I could ask him, “Eric, are you feeling upset because you need a sense of security in our friendship?” Eric would I bet, react a lot more positively than if I were so say, “Well you know Eric, I have been super busy at work and I just couldn’t get the time to get away to call you book.” That type of excuse does not meet Eric’s need to be heard, nor might he feel that his needs and feelings are important to me. By empathizing and even guessing at his feelings and needs I am showing him that I care deeply about him as a person.

 

After this amazing learning experience at Furnace Mountain where I was able to sit and practice the NVC technique with 25 other beautiful individuals, I sat and reflected on a few ideas as to how we could use NVC in today’s classrooms. (Let me preface them by saying these ideas are certainly not unique and I give much credit to Marshall Rosenberg, the father of NVC, and all the other great practitioners such as Martha Lasley who have brought NVC to the classroom before me!)

First I think NVC could be really useful for TEACHERS in the following ways:

1) By empathizing with our students and seeing them as people who have feelings and needs the same as you and I, it really decreases the separation we as teachers may feel at times from our students. I feel this especially becomes the case in high stress testing environments where students start resembling passing and failure rate numbers. Empathy can help us as teachers, within the moment of a violent student outburst, to see that student as simply having difficulty expressing their unmet needs.

2) Teachers are often urged to use “I” statements with their students so that their students may be more empathetic to their feelings. For me, those type of statements never gave students much clarity as to how to respond except to maybe feel as though the teacher was trying to guilt them into behaving better. If NVC were to become integrated into the language of the classroom, I think it would be a great tool for teachers to use in order to share their observations, feelings, needs, and requests with their students. Not only would it be a great way of modeling authentic situations where NVC can be used, but it would also help to show how students could communicate in similar difficult situations. Requests would be made more “doable” and specific so students could As teacher requests would come with the understanding that the class could say “no”, I think it would also a more democratic and communal dialogue within the classroom where all participants’ needs and requests are being heard.

For Students, there is no doubt in my mind that having them learn how to use NVC could be extremely beneficial.

1) The mindfulness movement is all about helping us as human beings to gain greater awareness of our very livelihood in every moment or being able to answer the question “what is living in you right now” as some practitioners of mindfulness may say. NVC is another relatively simple tool that can help students to learn how to identify and become more aware of their inner feelings and needs. This process can certainly help students to alter their behaviors and take on a more compassionate way of being.

2) There is a great opportunity when sharing NVC with students to really spend some time helping them to be able to distinguish the difference between observations and judgments. As I went through a great deal of self-discovery over my teenage and college years (and ongoing even today!) the best lesson for me has been to learn how to watch when I am judging myself and others. I know that I am a quick critic, especially of myself, and this style of communication can be extremely damaging to one’s self-confidence one’s relationships with others. Teaching students how to observe their minds’ tendency towards making judgments and how the to instead to focus on our observations, feelings, and unmet needs could be absolutely life changing.

 

I am convinced that planting the seeds for non-judgment and non-violent communication will build a more compassionate generation of citizens.  When practiced repeatedly over time, NVC can bring empathy and compassion into our inner lives, our relationships, and certainly into our classrooms.

Thanks to my brother Sean for providing me with the opportunity to study NVC! I love you buddy!


For more information about NVC please visit www.cnvc.org
For information about how you can study NVC with Martha Lasley, feel free to get more information here http://nvctraining.com/nvcacademy/martha-lasley.html or with her network of coaches at www.leadershipthatworks.com
To visit the beautiful Furnace Mountain Retreat Center please visit www.furnacemountain.org - HIGHLY Recommended!

Today the 9th grade teachers and I had loosely planned a trip for our students to a science museum. Quite a few of the students, however, thought that the trip was optional and meant it was a good day to stay at home. To counter this negative culture, our principal had created a policy that stated that only if 80% of the students in the grade turned in permission slips and were present would the trip occur. Today, with only 40 students sitting "ready to go" in the cafeteria, we only had 60% in attendence, and thus the trip was canceled.
In the South Bronx, just getting students to show up for school is a huge hurdle. If we average only slightly over 80% for schoolwide attendance, how likely is it that we get every one of those students to attend a planned field trip? Is it impossible?  I am both happy and frustrated to say that I helped to build this policy with my principal. Happy because I thought that creating such high standards would build community amongst our students and make them work together to really "earn" a trip. I wanted our school to get out of the mindset that field trips were optional learning experiences and that it was simply "ok" to not turn in a permission slip. The feelings of frustration do set in when you have to tell a room of 40 students who did turn in permission slips that we are not after all going on the trip and that the only plan B, we, as their teachers came up with was a movie day. Although "Hitch" is a fun movie, I can't say it was time well spent.
Imagine this scenario... our school used to pay for a 40 students to go on an overnight trip to Washington D.C. to visit our nation's capitol and to visit Maryland University and Howard University. We would advertise the trip for a full month in advance and we still couldn't fill all of our seats. The trip cost the school upwards of $250 per student and we can't even give the spots away. This beckons one to ask the following questions; Why are some students not excited about field trips? Were they tortured by boring field trips in middle school? Are they too cool for the science museum? Why would they rather stay at home with barely anything to do? I'm still puzzled by all of them.
Most of our top scholars in the building are able to recognize the opportunities that field trips and college visits provide. They are anxious to return their permission slips and get their spot. We even had a crew of "popular" kids going around making sure every student knew that they must turn in their permission slips. Engaging the "popular" kids, whose ulterior motive to go on a trip is to simply not go to class, is not enough in my mind. These trips are opportunities to capture the excitement of learning for those students who have already "checked out" of school. College visits can open their eyes to all that a college education offers. We really have to get to these uninterested students if we hope achieve the objective set forth for increasing student involvement to upwards of 80%.
The disaster of a canceled trip had to be dealt with very mindfully. How could we not "punish" those 40 students who had recognized the opportunity afforded them by this field trip, and yet hold steady to a school policy and make sure that we get better engagement from those who didn't "want" to go next time? Well, I must say it wasn't easy and for many moments I thought that we, as the teachers, were about to deal with a riot. Thankfully a 9th grade teacher approached the situation by first acknowledging how disappointed the students must be feeling and how we as the teachers were also upset.  We then tried to celebrate the efforts they had made to attend the trip. There was much groaning and whining about how "unfair" it was. I think the most empowering shift took place when we asked the students how we could all work together as a 9th grade community to increase our numbers and get that 80%. The first responses were along the lines of, "Make it a part of everyone's grade" and "call their parents". Not bad ideas, but it basically pushed responsibility onto those students who were already checked out or just seemed to punish them. I then asked the students if they knew of anyone that wasn't at school this morning who they know they could have convinced to come along. More than a dozen hands went up. So I asked again, "What could we do to make the trip happen next time?" The students caught on. "We could each grab one person who is not here and make sure they turn in their damn permission slip and show up for the trip!" There you go! Now we were getting somewhere. We would wrap ourselves around those that didn't want to go and support them in making a better decision for themselves.
Although creating an accountability buddy type system might increase our numbers, it still doesn't address the reasons why those students don't want to go in the first place. It's hard to get from them anything besides "Cause I just don't want to" but I am determined to continue to try. At least by having the experience, we can see if that doesn't change their attitudes in the future.
And so, although canceling the trip could have become a disaster, a new opportunity arose. I am reminded that it's always how you view the situation. We sometimes get so focused on the one side of the coin, that we fail to see the other side. As a result of the cancellation, we can now work, not just as 9th grade teachers but with the help of 40 other students, to build a successful  trip where responsibility for its success is shared amongst all of us. Our 9th graders are being treated like adults and not simply as students who don't have to own the failure or success of our initiatives. They are now being given a stake in their futures. We are also being mindful of those who didn't want to go by having their peers encourage a change in their mindset and challenge them to not take the "easy way out". We have an opportunity to achieve success, now we will see how well we can support each other.
A student once asked his Guru "I am very discouraged. What should I do?"
To which the Guru responded, "Encourage others."
Seems like some good advice right now!

Looking forward to attending a conference put on by the Yale School of Management this weekend! A lot of great speakers and educators will be there. Check out the following panel sessions... I'll be writing some notes and thoughts the day after so check back in Sunday evening!

Reimagining the Schoolhouse
Since the nation’s founding, surprisingly little has changed about the structure of the U.S. education system despite the fact that the traditional school day and structure is insufficient for a large segment of our nation’s youth. In recent years, innovative programs around the country have challenged how we define the school day, and many of these programs have resulted in significant improvement in students’ academic performance. This panel will examine how successful models are challenging the traditional school structure, and it will examine the implications of their success. Key questions include:

• What innovative models are being used around the country? How successful have they been?
• Time is one of the most important variables for any school. How can schools be restructured to use time more effectively?
• Is there a more effective way to organize students than traditional age-based cohorts?
• Over the past few decades, adult-to-student ratios in schools have decreased, while teacher-to- student ratios have remained fairly stable. How can schools best take advantage of extensive support staffs?
• What is the future of virtual or digital learning?

Lessons Learned from Gates’ Investments in Teacher Effectiveness
In school systems, highly effective teachers are the single most important ingredient to student success. However, best practices in measuring teacher effectiveness, evaluation processes, tenure structure, career pathways, compensation, recruitment, and assignment remain elusive. To address this, the Gates Foundation dedicated $335 million in 2009 across eight sites to explore components of teacher effectiveness. This panel will focused on the preliminary results shown by the districts and CMOs funded by the Gates initiative and will highlight lessons schools and district leaders can draw from them. Key questions include:

• At this early stage, what lessons about teacher effectiveness can be learned from the work? What has been learned about the evaluation of teachers?
• All of the factors listed above are important to building a strong human capital system that supports highly effective teachers. What should schools and districts address first? Second?
• What advantages might CMOs and traditional systems have over each other in reforming these systems?
• What can districts and individual schools without additional funds do to increase teacher effectiveness today?

The Whole Child: Are We Defining Success Too Narrowly?
Education reformers generally embrace the need for strong standards, assessments, and accountability systems. A majority of states have adopted the common core standards, and many are currently developing assessments that will match those standards. But what are the unintended consequences of a common set of high-stakes tests for all schools—traditionally high performers and those who struggle to meet those standards? Should we be measuring and holding schools accountable for other outcomes, such as leadership, initiative, and social skills? Is it possible to provide enrichment and educate the “whole child” while also ensuring that students have the basic skills they need? This panel will explore to what extent schools can accomplish both goals and will examine different ways to approach measuring and defining success. Key questions include:

• Are school accountability systems and society’s values about education aligned? If not, can the problem be addressed through more sophisticated assessments?
• In most underperforming elementary schools, students’ basic reading and math skills lag far behind grade level. To address this, many such schools have abandoned art, music, science, and social studies in favor of remedial literacy and math. Should they? What place do art, music, science, and social studies have in all of our schools?